Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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