its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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