So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
