So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
