when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
