I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
