Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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