I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
