Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
