he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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