so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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