Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
