It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
