member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
