so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
