I heard we made out
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
