There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Who died my cat blue again?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
