good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
