Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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