Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
