Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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