why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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