Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
