yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
