DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
