the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
