Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
