I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
