you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
