so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
