So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
