why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
