i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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