i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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