We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
