Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
