Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
