Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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