:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
