Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
