mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
