I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
