we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
