I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
