How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
