i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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