I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
