OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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