i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
