Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
