She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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