All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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