According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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